Sri Bhagavata Rahasya (Secret Truths of the Bhagavatam) -3

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ab sohi vir€ga, tu‰hu bheli d™t…
su-purukha-premaki aichana r…ti.
(Cc. Madhya 8.194)
“Alas, before We met there was an initial attachment between Us
brought about by an exchange of glances. In this way attachment
evolved. That attachment has gradually grown, and there is no limit
to it. Now that attachment has become a natural sequence between
Ourselves. It is not that it is due to KŠa, the enjoyer, nor is it due
to Me, for I am the enjoyed. It is not like that. This attachment was
made possible by mutual meeting. This mutual exchange of attraction
is known as manobh€va, or Cupid. KŠa’s mind and My mind have
merged together. Now, during this time of separation, it is very difficult
to explain these loving affairs. My dear friend, although KŠa might
have forgotten all these things, you can understand and bring this
message to Him. But during Our first meeting there was no messenger
between Us, nor did I request anyone to see Him. Indeed, Cupid’s five
arrows were Our via media. Now, during this separation, that attraction
has increased to another ecstatic state. My dear friend, please act as
a messenger on My behalf , because if one is in love with a beautiful
person, this is the consequence.”
“There was no messenger between Our love. Nothing was there. Only
Our eyes were there”. A high-class rasar€ja-mah€bh€va manifests at that
time. This has been told in ®r… Caitanya-carit€mta. Gop…-prema, therefore,
is not very easily obtained like a Calcutta or Delhi rasagulla. Many
persons here in the West make rasagullas but they are not actually like
Vnd€vana or Calcutta rasagullas, saturated like a sponge with sweet
juice and a very sweet fragrance.
Come with Me to Vnd€vana
Now, thinking about all these things, come to Vnd€vana. Leaving
your mortal body here, leaving all kinds of moods, problems, and
everything else, come with me. Let us go to Vnd€vana, and then you
can realize something. Don’t remember anything worldly.
You should come to Vnd€vana. KŠa has gone to graze the cows,
and the gop…s are saying:
akaŠvat€ˆ phalam idaˆ na paraˆ vid€maƒ
sakhyaƒ pa™n anuviveayator vayasyaiƒ
vaktraˆ vrajea-sutayor anaveŠu-ju˜aˆ
yair v€ nip…tam anurakta-ka˜€ka-mokam
(SB 10.21.7)
KŠa and the Gop…s
59
“O friends, those eyes that see the beautiful faces of the sons of
Mah€r€ja Nanda are certainly fortunate. As these two sons enter the
forest, surrounded by Their friends, driving the cows before Them,
They hold Their flutes to Their mouths and glance lovingly upon the
residents of Vnd€vana. For those who have eyes, we think there is no
greater object of vision.”
It was vasant€ tu, spring time, but all the flowers of each season were
in bloom in Vnd€vana. The Yamun€ was flowing very sweetly, making
sounds of ka-kala-kala-kala. So many lotus flowers were blooming, and
their fragrance was attracting the bumblebees who were perhaps
saying, “R€dhe, R€dhe, R€dhe,” in glorification, and perhaps they had
become mad. All the bumblebees had become mad.
KŠa took lakhs and lakhs of cows, and His friends also joined Him
with lakhs and lakhs of their own cows. There were so many cowherd
boys, you cannot imagine. Here in this class are no more than three
hundred persons, but if there were lakhs, perhaps the devotees would
have no place even to sit. If KŠa comes here with the nine lakhs of
Nanda B€b€’s cows, and ®r…d€ma comes with eleven lakhs of cows,
where will they sit or stand? There would be no room even to stand.
Where would they graze, and how would they be controlled? It would
be very difficult. But the dh€ma is also KŠa. It is a manifestation of
Baladeva Prabhu Himself. It expands and sometimes also contracts.
In this way KŠa goes to graze cows with the cowherd boys. They
play and jump, and all are calling, “KŠa, KŠa, Kanaiya, Bhaiya,
Kanaiya.”
At this time the gop…s are in their homes. There are many different
groups of gop…s and they are remembering KŠa as if they are seeing
Him. They say, “We know we have eyes, but simply having eyes is
not sufficient. With these eyes we have not taken darana of KŠa.”
KŠa and Baladeva are both there in the forest, and Baladeva
is somewhat ahead. KŠa is playing on His flute, searching for
something here and there with His crooked eyes (side-long glances).
Many gop…s are standing here and there, performing €rati with their
eyes, and KŠa is accepting their €rati.
Vrajea-sutayor means the son of Nanda B€b€. The gop…s say, “The
eyes of those who have not seen Vrajesa-suta going cowherding are
in vain. A thunderbolt should come and punish those eyes; there is
no need of them.” Vrajea-sutayor has another meaning. Baladeva is
not the son of Nanda B€b€, but He has been supported and nourished
by him. He therefore always thinks, “My father is Nanda B€b€, not
Vasudeva or anyone else. And Yaod€ is My mother.” Vrajea-sutayor,
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
60
therefore, as explained by ®r… ®ukadeva Gosv€m…, also means the two
sons of Nanda B€b€, KŠa and Baladeva.
There is also a deeper meaning. There are two vraje€s. Nanda B€b€
is one, and superior to him is Vabhanu Mah€r€ja. He is also vrajea.
Nanda B€b€ has one son, KŠa, and Vabhanu Mah€r€ja has three
children; two daughters and one son. Sut€, his daughter, is R€dhik€.
Here sut€s ca becomes sutayor by Sanskrit grammar.
The deeper meaning, therefore, is that the eyes which do not see
vrajea-sutayor, R€dh€ and KŠa, are useless. What are R€dh€ and
KŠa doing? KŠa is playing on His flute and Baladeva has walked
ahead to give KŠa a chance to be with the gop…s. The gop…s have
surrounded KŠa, and R€dhik€ has met with Him. She forcibly takes
His flute, anuveŠu-ju˜aˆ, and then begins to play it. KŠa becomes
very attracted and thinks, “I cannot play like this.” He therefore looks
with a crooked, side-long glance, very attracted by Her playing.
A sakh… says, “If this scene has not been seen, then one’s eyes are
useless. A thunderbolt should at once come and finish that person’s
life. I don’t want such a life.”
The explanation of ®r… Vivan€tha Cakravart… μh€kura is very
rasika. He quotes a gop…: “O, let us go to see KŠa. Just now He is in
the lane; we should go.”
But another sakh… says, “Don’t speak so loudly. If your mother-inlaw
hears, she will at once punish you.”
“Don’t worry. What will she do?” The first gop… replies. “Her
daughter is going there and my mother-in-law herself is going. So I
don’t fear.”
“But there is reason to fear. We should not go to KŠa.”
“O, let us go. This scene will never be seen again, and life is very
short. If KŠa passes by us, you’ll no longer see Him. So please come.
We should go and meet Him.”
“But still, how is it possible to go?”
“KŠa’s sweet voice and face are so beautiful and attractive that
when you see Him, He will attract you, and you will give up your
dhairya (patience), pati-vrata-dharma (chastity) and lajja (shame). Then
you will be desperate and quickly come. Let us come there.”
Vaktraˆ vrajea-sutayor anaveŠu-ju˜aˆ yair v€ nip…tam anuraktaka
˜€ka-mokam. All the gop…s were speaking and feeling like this, as
shown by many other lokas like purnaƒ pulindya (SB 10.21.17).
KŠa and the Gop…s
61
Gop… G…t€
After that, in the coming arada-tu, autumn season, KŠa decided:
bhagav€n api t€ r€tr…ƒ
€radotphulla-mallik€ƒ
v…kya rantuˆ mana cakre
yoga-m€y€m up€r…taƒ
(SB 10.29.1)
“®r… KŠa is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, full in all opulences.
Yet upon seeing those autumn nights scented with blossoming jasmine
flowers, He turned His mind toward loving affairs. To fulfill His
purpose He employed His internal potency.”
The gop…s had no desire, but KŠa had the desire. Bhagav€n api. KŠa
is Svayam Bhagav€n. He is €tm€r€ma, and €ptak€ma,10 self-satisfied;
He has no wishes. Yet, when He remembered the gop…s, He at once
remembered yoga-m€y€m-up€r…taƒ. Yogam€y€ is the power of KŠa,
an expansion of His hl€din…-akti or para-akti, and she manages
everything. Where there is Yogam€y€, there is no influence at all of this
material Mah€m€y€. In Goloka Vnd€vana everything is managed and
controlled by Yogam€y€, with no influence of Mah€m€y€. Therefore,
any j…va soul who is serving KŠa cannot forget Him, and he cannot
fall down from there.
Rantum manas cakre. KŠa at once decided, “I should perform such
a vil€sa, that by hearing about it everyone will be attracted, follow the
principles of bhakti-yoga, become liberated, and quickly go to Goloka
Vnd€vana. There is no other powerful way or process. KŠa is very
merciful, and out of His mercy He performed this pastime.
vanaˆ ca tat-komala-gobƒi rañjitaˆ
jagau kalaˆ v€ma-d€ˆ manoharam
(SB 10.29.3)
“Lord KŠa saw the unbroken disk of the full moon glowing with
the red effulgence of newly applied vermillion, as if it were the face
of the goddess of fortune. He also saw the kumuda lotuses opening in
response to the moon’s presence and the forest gently illuminated by
its rays. Thus the Lord began to play sweetly on His flute, attracting
the minds of all the beautiful-eyed gop…s.”
10 There is a subtle difference between €tm€r€ma and €ptak€ma. štm€r€ma means
taking pleasure in the self, and €ptak€ma means not requiring any more than one has in
this world. Such a person is fully satisfied with what he already has.
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
62
KŠa took His flute. It was evening time, the moon was golden and
full, and it was coming from the very reddish eastern horizon. Purvadi
a, the east direction, is like the moon’s beloved. It was as though, by
his rays, which are like his hands, the moon took a large quantity of
gulab (red coloring) and decorated the face of purva-dia. Remembering
this, KŠa at once placed His flute upon His lips, and jagau kalaˆ,
played a very sweet tune. What was that tune? It is written in kl…ˆ, the
seed mantra. Each gop… thought that KŠa was calling her. R€dh€, Lalit€
and all others thought, “He is calling me only, no one else.” The essence
of gopal-mantra is the seed kl…ˆ. How? Kalaˆ, (translated as ‘sweetly’)
is a combination of the two Sanskrit letters ka + la. The fourth letter
of the Sanskrit alphabet is called v€ma-d€ˆ (translated in this verse
as ‘the girls who had charming eyes’) As the English alphabet begins
with a, b, c, d, the Sanskrit alphabet begins, a, aa, i, ii. So the fourth
letter, ii, or long i—…, is called v€ma-d€ˆ. Grammar is also here—the
essence of grammar. ‘Ka’ and ‘la,’ combined with ‘ii,’ becomes ‘kl…’.
And what is manoharam? Ultimately, Manohara is KŠa, He who
attracts the mind. That KŠa gave part of His quality to Candra, the
moon god. The adist€tra devata, predominating deity of the mind then
is Candra, and that moon has now taken the shape of candra-bindu, a
dot. In Sanskrit this dot is called anusvara, and the word kl…ˆ is thus
completed. By kl…ˆ each and every gop… thought that KŠa was calling
her alone, and therefore they all came.
All the gop…s assembled as though mad. If a thief has taken a person’s
golden ornaments, that person will pursue the thief. The sound of
KŠa’s flute is herein compared to a thief. It entered the hearts of
the gop…s, took away their hearts, and quickly returned to KŠa with
those hearts. All the gop…s followed that sound, and they came to KŠa
thinking, “I alone am coming to KŠa to get back my heart.”
€jagmur anyonyam alakitodyam€ƒ
sa yatra k€nto java-lola-kuŠal€ƒ
(SB 10.29.4)
“When the young women of Vnd€vana heard KŠa’s flute song,
which arouses romantic feelings, their minds were captivated by the
Lord. They went to where their lover waited, each unknown to the
others, moving so quickly that their earrings swung back and forth.”
Charmed as though mad, they all came to KŠa. KŠa now smiled
and told them, “O My dear gop…s, You are high-class devotees. I
know that you came to see this scenery of Vnd€vana forest, and you
KŠa and the Gop…s
63
especially came to see Me, because I am the Supreme Personality of
Godhead. So now you have seen Me, and you have seen this very
beautiful Vnd€vana, the Yamun€, and everything else. Now you
should return. No chaste lady should be alone with any male person.
Even if her husband is very ugly, worthless, attacked by disease,
incapable, penniless, or even if he is crooked and hunchbacked, a
chaste lady should serve him. This is Vedic culture. I know that you
all have husbands, so you should return and serve them. If you do not
do this, then you are deviating from your religious dharma and your
Vedic culture; and you will have to go to hell. Certainly, you should
return.” In this way, KŠa gave many examples from the Vedas and
elsewhere to explain why they should go home.
The gop…s were wondering whether KŠa was joking or speaking
seriously. One gop… said, “O Gurudeva, namask€ra to You. You are
our Gurudeva. I think that these high-class elevated teachings and
instructions cannot be given by anyone but You. You are really our
guru. ®€stra states that first, before worshipping anyone else, one must
worship gurudeva. You are our Gurudeva and so You should accept our
worship; then we will worship our husbands, Bhagav€n N€r€yaŠa,
and anyone else. If You do not accept our worship, You are breaking
all the laws of dharma, and You will be responsible for the reactions.
You have especially told:
ye yath€ m€ˆ prapadyante
t€ˆs tathaiva bhaj€my aham
mama vartm€nuvartante
manuy€ƒ p€rtha sarvaaƒ
(Bg. 4.11)
All of them—as they surrender unto Me—I reward accordingly.
Everyone follows My path in all respects, O son of Pth€.
“Those who worship Me, meditate on Me, and so on, I must reward
according to their qualities.” We are serving You, and You are not
accepting our worship. So You are guilty; You will be bound to suffer.”
The gop…s told so many things that KŠa became speechless. He could
not reply. Then their r€sa dancing and singing began, and after that,
KŠa disappeared from the r€sa dance. At that time all the gop…s
lamented and cried bitterly. They all became totally mad. They asked
the trees, creepers, animals, and the Yamun€, “Have you seen KŠa?
Have you seen KŠa?” Then they began to do l…l€. They became like
KŠa Himself, thinking, “I’m KŠa.” One gop… held up her cloth and
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
64
said, “O, I’m KŠa. I’m lifting Govardhana. See how I’m doing it.”
One gop… began to sit on the breast of another lady and exclaimed, “O,
I’m KŠa, and she’s P™tan€. Just see how I’m killing this P™tan€.”
Some gop…s were playing on a flute and saying, “O, how sweetly I’m
playing. You should see.” In this way they were imitating KŠa. In
their total madness they began to sing:
jayati te ‘dhikaˆ janman€ vrajaƒ
rayata indir€ avad atra hi
dayita dyat€ˆ diku t€vak€s
tvayi dht€savas tv€ˆ vicinvate
(SB 10.31.1)
The gop…s said: “O beloved, Your birth in the land of Vraja has made it
exceedingly glorious, and thus Indir€, the goddess of fortune, always
resides here. It is only for Your sake that we, Your devoted servants,
maintain our lives. We have been searching everywhere for You, so
please show Yourself to us.”
tava kath€mtaˆ tapta-j…vanaˆ
kavibhir …itaˆ kalma€paham
ravaŠa-ma‰galaˆ r…mad €tataˆ
bhuvi gŠanti ye bh™ri-d€ jan€ƒ
(SB 10.31.9)
“The nectar of Your words and the descriptions of Your activities are
the life and soul of those suffering in this material world. These narrations,
transmitted by learned sages, eradicate one’s sinful reactions and bestow
good fortune upon whoever hears them. These narrations are broadcast
all over the world and are filled with spiritual power. Certainly those
who spread the message of Godhead are most munificent.”
One gop… is singing: tava kath€mtaˆ. šmta means nectar. “Your
pastimes and Your speech are all like nectar. If anyone feels upset by
many problems, if he is burning in the forest-fire of those problems,
and if he feels so much pain in this world—if he hears hari-kath€, then
everything will be pacified. Therefore kŠa-kath€ is like €mta, nectar,
and those who distribute this nectar are the greatest donors.” In this
world, those who take ®r…mad-Bh€gavatam and distribute this kind
of love and affection to others are surely the most charitable donors.
Some gop…s, however, give the opposite meaning to tava kath€mtaˆ.
“Your name, Your pastimes, Your teachings and Your words are like
poison, mtaˆ. We realize this. We were very happy in our worldly
affairs; but when we heard Your words, we became as though mad. All
KŠa and the Gop…s
65
kinds of problems came, and now we are homeless. We no longer have
even a drop of love and affection for our homes, husbands or children.
Those who preach Your glories and tell hari-kath€ are enemies, and are
like butchers. Why? If anyone hears these glories he will give up his
home. A husband will give up his wife and a wife will give up her
husband. They will become homeless and go to live in a forest—like
birds, weeping and making their whole family weep. So don’t hear
this. Be very careful. Those who bring Bh€gavatam here and say, ‘I will
not take any fee, come and simply hear kŠa-katha,’ are like butchers.
They will cut your affection for worldly things, and you will no longer
be able to be happy in this world. So don’t hear all these things.”
Different groups of gop…s are giving different arthas, meanings, to
the same loka, and therefore several kinds of meanings are revealed
here. ®ukadeva Gosv€m… has given some idea, but ®r…la Vivan€tha
Cakravart… μh€kura, ®r…la San€tana Gosv€m… and ®r…la J…va Gosv€m…
have explained many, many meanings. Each group has a separate
meaning.
“Which Type of Lover are You?”
After the gop…s sang their gop… g…t€, song of separation, KŠa appeared in
their assembly. He became so beautiful there—smiling, but somewhat
ashamed. At that time the gop…s asked Him many questions. One gop…
placed His hands on her shoulder. Someone else placed His feet on
her lap, another took betelnuts from His mouth, and another, from a
distance, stared at Him with arrow-like sidelong glances.
The gop…s asked, “What kind of person are You? We gave up
everything for You and have become homeless. We left our husbands
and everything else, including even our dhairya, shyness, and dh€rma,
religious considerations. But You left us in a moment. We know that
there are three kinds of persons. The first love those who love them.
‘If you love me, I love you.’ This is one kind of love. Regarding the
second, even if you do not love him, that person is so perfect that he
loves you. And the third is he who, whether one loves him or not,
has no love for anyone. We think that You must be one of these three
kinds of persons. Which one are You? We see that we are loving You,
but You are not loving us.”
Smiling, KŠa replied, “Listen to Me. The love of someone who
only loves another if his love is reciprocated, is not pure love. It is like
a business relation. The person loves and wants to be loved in return.
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
66
This is not at all transcendental or pure love. So I’m not in that group.
Regarding those who love despite others not loving them, they are
like fathers and mothers. Some sons, after becoming youths, give up
their parents. Despite this, mothers and fathers have so much love
and affection for those sons. Children may do something against
the parents, but still fathers and mothers always love their children,
without any desire for gain. This is somewhat better. There is some
real relation there, and some actual love. But I’m not even among
these persons. Regarding those persons who do not love anyone in
this world, whether others love them or not, they are of four kinds:
€tm€r€ma, €ptak€ma, aktajña and guru-drohi.”
Try to understand. Those who are €ptak€ma do not require anything.
®r… ®ukadeva Gosv€m…, or ®aŠaka, and Sananda, for example, have
no worldly or any other desire. They are self-satisfied. Those who are
€tm€r€ma are ‘raman-ing’ in their €tm€, that is, always enjoying within
themselves. KŠa is satisfied in all ways. He has no need to take from
anyone else in order to become satisfied.
The third type of lovers are aktajña, ungrateful creatures, like
animals. A father and mother do so many things for their children,
but they may be so ungrateful that they may give up their fathers
and mothers. The guru-drohi will not only give them up, but he will
also cause them so many problems. He will think, “O, why are they
not dead?” He even may shoot his father and mother, thinking them
enemies. Such persons do not understand the real situation, and
therefore they are guru-drohi.
KŠa continued, “I am not among any of these six types. I’m your
beloved and You are all My beloveds. I disappeared only to increase
your love. By chance a very poor man may obtain a cint€maŠi, and,
being unaware of its value, neglects it. Another person, aware of its
value, may steal it. While the owner searches for it, someone asks him,
‘What are you searching for?’ ‘I am trying to find that stone; it was
very beautiful and someone has taken it.’ ‘Oh, this was not an ordinary
stone; it was cint€maŠi. It can give everything you desire.’ Then the
owner begins to weep, I’ve lost that priceless thing.”
“So, first I came to you and then I disappeared. This was only to
increase your love and affection for Me, to bring you more and more
near to Me. You are My beloveds and I am your beloved. I cannot
repay you for your love in lakhs and lakhs of births.”
KŠa and the Gop…s
67
na p€raye ‘haˆ niravadya-saˆyuj€ˆ
sva-s€dhu-ktyaˆ vibudh€yu€pi vaƒ
y€ m€bhajan durjara-geha-Škhal€h
saˆvcya tad vaƒ pratiy€tu s€dhun€
(SB 10.32.22)
“I am not able to repay My debt for your spotless service, even within
a lifetime of Brahma. Your connection with Me is beyond reproach.
You have worshipped Me, cutting off all domestic ties, which are
difficult to break. Therefore, please let your own glorious deeds be
your compensation.”
The gop…s are not s€dhakas and they are not siddhas. Who are they? They
are KŠa Himself, the k€yavy™ha of R€dhik€. Still, KŠa tastes all these
loving relationships with them. These are not ordinary things. They
are all transcendental—more than transcendental.
This is the nature of KŠa and the gop…s. Those who hear all
these topics, always remember these pastimes, and chant, Hare KŠa
Hare KŠa KŠa KŠa / Hare Hare Hare R€ma Hare R€ma R€ma R€ma
Hare Hare, take the essence of all instructions given by ®r… Caitanya
Mah€prabhu. ®r… R™pa Gosv€m… writes:
tan-n€ma-r™pa-carit€di-suk…rtan€nusm
tyoƒ krameŠa rasan€-manas… niyojya
ti˜han vraje tad-anur€gi jan€nug€m…
k€laˆ nayed akhil€m ity upadea-s€ram
(Upade€mta 8)
By always chanting the names “Hare KŠa,” thinking of these very
powerful, sweet pastimes of KŠa, and being in Vnd€vana under
the guidance of any high-class rasika and bh€vuka devotees, everything
will be successful. This is the essence of all instructions. If you live
in Vnd€vana but you only think of problems and are not under the
guidance of any rasika VaiŠava, then you are bound to commit offenses
to Vnd€vana dhama and to VaiŠavas, as lakhs and lakhs of persons
are doing. You will give up your faith and again return to worldly life
and engage in nonsense activities. So this is the process. You will have
to come in this process.
I have given a glimpse, an outline, of these pastimes. When
Vnd€vana l…la was completed, Akr™ra came to take KŠa and
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68
Baladeva to Mathur€ in order to save Their father and mother,
Vasudeva and Devak…. Kaˆsa had put them in jail and was giving
them so much suffering. Sometimes he was kicking them on their
chests and greatly abusing them in other ways. Why? He wanted to
know, “Where have you kept your child? I know He has taken birth
from you, but you have sent Him away. Tell me where He is, otherwise
I will kill you.” Every day he would come and abuse them. He killed
Devak…’s six sons, the seventh was transferred to Gokula in the womb
of RohiŠ…, and the eighth was KŠa, who was stealthily brought to
Gokula, where He mixed into the purna (complete) KŠa who had
taken birth from Yaod€’s womb.
Kaˆsa realized, “We sent so many demons to kill KŠa, in Gokula
and elsewhere. But they were themselves killed, never to return and
give any message or report. So I cannot kill Him there. We should
therefore try to invite Him here. We will have worship of Lord ®iva,
dhanur-yajña, and a very good wrestling match, and all my subjects
will come from different parts of the country to see the festival.”
Akr™ra was thus sent from Mathur€ to Vnd€vana, and tomorrow
we will discuss what happened after that.
69
Chapter Five
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
KŠa is now completing His pastimes in Vraja. After He killed Ke…
and Vyomasura, N€rada came to Him and prayed, “Remember that
You will have to do so many things. Now You are very much charmed
in Vnd€vana-l…l€, and You have forgotten that Your Mathur€ father
and mother are in the jail of Kaˆsa. Kaˆsa is creating so much havoc
and problems, always insulting them and crushing them with his boots.
Also, You have promised to marry 16,108 devotees in Dv€rak€, and
You will have to save and protect the P€Šavas. They are araŠ€gata,
surrendered only to You. Duryodhana is making so many problems.
He has taken their kingdom and driven them to the forest. So You will
also have to help them. You have promised to destroy all the demons.
There are so many demons now. Those who were killed in R€ma-l…l€,
in Lanka, have all come as katriya kings, and they are a great burden
to this earth. And You have so many other responsibilities. You should
remember all this, and not only be involved in Vnd€vana.”
KŠa replied, “You have reminded Me, and now you may go.
Everything will be taken care of.”
Thus one day, when KŠa was at Prema-sarovara, between
Nandag€on and Varana, He made a decision. R€dh€ and KŠa were
sitting on the bank of this very beautiful Prema-sarovara with the
gop…s. The scenery was extremely beautiful. All kinds of flowers were
in bloom, cuckoo birds were singing, so many peacocks were dancing,
and R€dh€ and KŠa were surrounded by lakhs and lakhs of kamadhenu
(wish-fulfilling cows). In Their assembly were Lalit€, Vi€kh€, all the
a˜a-sakh…s, many prominent sakh…s, and especially Nandimukhi, Vnd€-
dev…, and Dhanitha. ®r…mat… R€dhik€ was sitting on the lap of KŠa.
The two were like one; His hand was around Her shoulder and Her
hand was around His waist. A bumblebee came and thought the lotus
feet of R€dhik€ were actually a very fragrant and sweet lotus. He came
to taste some honey from that lotus, and humming, wanted to enter
it. Being very soft, R€dhik€ became afraid and put Her hands up in
front of Her to protect Herself. Madhuma‰
gala
at once came with a
bamboo stick. He waved it at the bee and drove it very far away. Then
he returned and said, “I’ve driven away this madhus™dana, bumblebee,
and he will never come again. So don’t fear.”
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
70
The word madhus™dana has so many meanings. It is one name of
KŠa. Why Madhus™dana? The love and affection of the gop…s are like
madhu, honey. KŠa tastes that honey; thus He is called Madhus™dana.
Madhu also means worldly desires and attachments. Lust for wife,
husband, children, and so on is also like honey. KŠa can cut away all
these things and so He is Madhus™dana. S™dana means to cut away. If
you call, “Madhus™dana! Madhus™dana!”, He will cut all bad desires
and attachments. There are many other meanings, but these two are
prominent.
So Madhuma‰gala came and said, “I’ve driven out this madhus
™dana forever. He will never return.” When ®r…mat… R€dhik€ heard
this, She became unhappy and thought, “Oh, Madhus™dana has
gone.” Although She was in the lap of KŠa, now She was weeping so
much. “Where has KŠa, Madhus™dana gone? He will never come?
Then how can I live? I will die. Without Madhus™dana I cannot live.”
She forgot Herself, and She forgot that She was in the lap of KŠa.
Weeping and weeping, She became senseless, and lost Her external
consciousness. KŠa saw this and thought, “This is a very strange
thing. She is in My lap and She has forgotten everything.”
This is called prema-vaicittya. It is more exalted than divyonmada,
and it is within the category of R€dhik€’s m€dana mood. In meeting
She feels separation. This topmost love is only in R€dhik€. It is not in
anyone else, including Lalit€ and Vi€kh€, what to speak of Candr€val….
In the highest class of prema there is separation in meeting—the fullest
separation and fullest meeting—and at the same time forgetting
everything.
KŠa sees that, “If ®r…mat… R€dhik€ is very near to Me, She worries,
‘Where is KŠa? Where is KŠa?’ In fear of future separation She
becomes senseless. I cannot help Her. But if I’m not here, then, going
deep into the mood of separation, She remembers Me and thinks, ‘Oh,
this tamal tree is KŠa.’
She does not think, “This is a tamal tree,” although we would think
so. She actually thinks, “KŠa is here.” She dresses very nicely, does
‰g€ra, ornaments Herself and speaks with Him, “Oh, where were
You?” Then She does m€na, transcendental loving anger to KŠa. Even
in separation there is m€na. This is a very strange thing.
So KŠa is thinking, “Now She is weeping. What shall I do? How
will I console Her? I cannot console Her. This is a very big problem
for Me. Whenever I am with R€dhik€, in fear of future separation She
becomes like this. I cannot help Her. And if I’m not here, She goes
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
71
deep in Her separation mood. She sees some clouds, and thinking
the clouds to be Me, She says, ‘O clouds!’ It is as if She is saying, ‘Oh
KŠa, don’t come to Me’.
“R€dhik€ struggles with Her braid because it is black like KŠa.
She is always like this in separation. She can sleep, She can perform
any activity, and She can experience some happiness. When They meet,
on the other hand, She experiences a very deep mood of separation.”
So KŠa is thinking, “What shall I do? I must be somewhat far away
in order to give the gop…s, and especially R€dh€rani, some relief;
otherwise they will be always unhappy. If I remain here, they will
always feel separation, weep and fall unconscious. I should be out of
Vraja. Otherwise I cannot help them.”
KŠa thus decided, “I should come in their dreams, as a
manifestation or some similar way; but not directly. If I come directly,
then they will be unhappy.” This is also why KŠa does not return to
Vnd€vana. If He returns, what will become of the gop…s? If you have
a cut on your body and you squeeze some lemon juice on it, what will
become of you? There will be more and more suffering.
Their stage of m€dana and modana is so high, more than rudha
and adhir™ha. You cannot realize these moods. You can only hear
something about them. If you practice love and affection like this,
in elevated association, you can realize something. You will be so
attached to the pastimes of KŠa that you will actually realize them.
Then you will have no attachment to worldly things, you will have no
problems, and you will be always happy. When you read any page of
®r…mad-Bh€gavatam, you will read so deeply.
KŠa’s Wish
In the meantime Kaˆsa was thinking how to kill KŠa and Baladeva.
He had made so many plans, but they all failed, and all his demons
were killed. At last he called Akr™ra who was like KŠa’s uncle. He
told Akr™ra, “You are such a qualified person. I know that you have
so much attachment for me. You also have some relation with KŠa
and Baladeva. So I think that you should help me. I’m going to arrange
an arena here, near Ra‰ge vara temple. There we will have many
interesting events like wrestling matches and others. Then KŠa and
Baladeva will come, we will surround KŠa, and we will all kill Him.
So go at once and bring Them.”
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
72
Akr™ra is a parama-bhakta. He has faith that KŠa is the Supreme
Personality of Godhead and that He has come to kill Kaˆsa and all
other demons. He therefore became very happy and thought, “I must
go there and see KŠa. Will He remember me as He does His other
servants? If so, I will be so fortunate. Somehow Kaˆsa has given me
the good fortune to go to KŠa and take His darana.” This is why
Akr™ra went to Vnd€vana.
What is at the root of all this? KŠa’s wish. Yogam€y€ had come
and put these thoughts in the minds of both Kaˆsa and Akr™ra.
KŠa’s plan was there. By His desire an arrangement was made so
that He would have to go far away from Vnd€vana—to pacify the
gop…s. Akr™ra thus came, in a golden chariot given to him by Kaˆsa.
Vasudeva, Devak… and Mah€r€ja Ugrasena had been put in jail.
They were bound with very thick chains and very strong guards were
posted there. Kaˆsa’s plot was that, after KŠa arrived there with
Baladeva, he would call all KŠa’s devotees, like Nanda, Vasudeva,
Devak…, Ugrasena, and in front of them he would kill KŠa. “They
will see that I am Kaˆsa and I can kill KŠa. Then they will feel so
much separation that they themselves will die.”
According to Kaˆsa’s plan, Akr™ra went to Vnd€vana to meet with
KŠa and Baladeva. On the way he saw the footprints of KŠa. If you
have gone to Nandag€on, you might have seen carana-pahari, which
is still impressed with the very beautiful footprints of KŠa. Akr™ra
saw lakhs and lakhs of footprints in the dust of Vraja, near Nandag€on,
because KŠa was always roaming there with the cowherd-boys
barefoot. Akr™ra fell upon these lotus footprints and prayed. Tears
were falling from his eyes, his heart was melting, his bodily hairs were
standing on end, and he offered so many prayers. Those prayers are
recorded in ®r…mad-Bh€gavatam. He was a very high-class VaiŠava
in d€sya-rasa.
Later that evening Akr™ra met with KŠa and Baladeva and
secretly told Them, “Do You know that You are the son of Devak… and
Vasudeva? Now they are in jail, and this demon Kaˆsa is torturing
them. This is only because of You. There is no other reason. Because
Your parents sent You to Gokula they are now being tortured”. KŠa
became furious and said, “Because of Me? I must go there, and then
return.” He made up His mind and told this to His father, Nanda B€b€.
Nanda B€b€ agreed because there were some logical arguments why
KŠa should go there. If He did not go, Kaˆsa would torture Nanda
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
73
and Yaod€ and all the Vrajav€s…s.1 Out of fear for KŠa’s welfare,
therefore, they agreed that KŠa go.
That same evening, to the accompaniment of drums, it was
anounced everywhere that the next day Nanda B€b€ and the other
gopas, along with some of KŠa’s friends, would take Baladeva and
KŠa to Mathur€. There they would see the arena and the wrestling
match and then they would all return home. All of KŠa’s friends
were happy, thinking, “We are also going, and we will see new, new
things.” Nanda B€b€ was not afraid because he thought, “I am going
with KŠa and Baladeva, and I will bring Them home again.” All the
gopas were like this—neither lamenting nor feeling separation.
Nanda B€b€ told Yaod€maiy€, “You should be nirbhaya, without
fear or anxiety. I’m going and I will bring Them back again. There
is nothing to fear.” Yaod€ thought, “Oh, he is going with Them, so
They will return.”
The Gop…s’ Lamentation
The gop…s, KŠa’s beloveds, however, were in another mood. They
began abusing Brahma, the creator: “He’s very cruel. KŠa is so sweet,
and somehow this creator has made a chance for us to meet KŠa.
But he is so cruel that just when we are going to meet, he took away
that fortune, and again he made separation. Just when we were going
to taste that sweetness, he took it away. He’s not qualified to create
this world. He gathered all the beauty of the entire three worlds and
made the beautiful body of KŠa. Therefore, how beautiful KŠa
looks. His form is beautifully bent in three places, there are beautiful
dimples on His cheeks, and He smiles so beautifully—like an arrow.2
And everything about Him is crooked. His words are sweet and also
crooked. His glance is crooked and it penetrates the hearts of those
who look at Him. We had a chance to see Him, but this cruel creator
is like a baby boy. Baby boys make a palace out of sand and proclaim,
‘Oh, this is my r€ja palace, my royal palace,’ and again they destroy
1 Before KŠa’s birth Nanda B€b€ was detached. When KŠa was born, due to
attachment to His welfare, he went to Mathur€ to pay his taxes to Kaˆsa. His concern
for Kaˆsa was only in relation to KŠa. Kaˆsa was the emperor, and Nanda B€b€ was
under his control, like a landlord. So Nanda B€b€ was now thinking that their suffering
at the hands of Kaˆsa would also give suffering to KŠa. He therefore, allowed KŠa
to go.
2 KŠa shoots the arrows of His smiles to penetrate the hearts of the gop…s.
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
74
it. So Brahma is like that. He gave us an opportunity to meet KŠa,
in whom he placed all the sweetness and beauty of the three worlds;
but as soon as we met, he at once took away this fortune. So he’s very
cruel, very cruel.”
The gop…s continued, “That Vidh€ta, that cruel creator of destiny,
has now come here in the form of Akr™ra. Actually he is kr™ra, cruel,
but he has taken the name Akr™ra. He declares by that name, ‘I am
not cruel,’ but actually he is very cruel, very cruel.”
The gop…s were weeping. Not really hearing them, we may be
laughing now; but they were not laughing. They were telling all
these lamentations from their hearts and feeling separation. “Oh, he
has come here just when we were about to taste our meeting with
KŠa.” It is as if any very beautiful, tasteful dish comes before us,
and we are just about to take it, but in the meantime someone takes
it away. The monkeys from Vnd€vana, for example also come and
take your dish, jump up on a tree, and, looking bewildered, you say,
“What happened?” Similarly, the gop…s are saying, “This cruel Akr™ra
came and took KŠa, our beloved. How can we live? We cannot
remain alive.”
The gop…s became like fish out of water. Are you at this stage? We
are not, and therefore KŠa is very far away from us. For these gop…s,
KŠa is always there with them. Try to come to this stage. This is our
objective. How can you possibly come to this stage if you divide, and
divide, and further divide your attachment to KŠa with worldly
wives, sons and daughters? KŠa gave you your birth alone. You
came into this world alone, and KŠa told you in the womb of your
mother, “Be alone. I’m giving you this birth only for practicing bhaktiyoga.
Don’t make any boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, mother, etc. Try to
become like Bharata in his third birth as Jada Bharata.” We promised
then, in the womb, that we will not divide our attachment. When we
came out of the womb, however, our mother or sister took us in her
lap and called, “Oh-h-h-h, baby, baby, baby, baby.” We thus made a
mother, a father, sister, neighbors, an entire community and so on.
Then we gradually came to our youth and made one, two, three, four,
five or six girlfriends or boyfriends.
KŠa is reminding us about this, in the form of guru and VaiŠavas.
They are warning us, but we say, “Oh, after this I will not do these
things. I will give it up. This is my last time.” Again, however, the
waves of attachment come.
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
75
Try to realize that when you die you will die alone. Alone. Those to
whom you have given your attachment and your whole energy will not
remember you for a moment. They cannot help you. You must know
all this. The gop…s are telling all this. They are very expert because they
never divide their love and affection to anyone in this world. They
withdrew their love from their husbands, sisters, brothers, fathers and
everyone else, and came to KŠa. If you want to love KŠa, gradually
you will have to be like them. If you do not follow them, at the time
of death you will be kicked as donkeys are kicked by the hind legs
of female donkeys. And then you will be burnt to ashes. Surely you
should know there is no one who can help you. Only KŠa can help
anyone. You should try to realize all this. This is association. Take
some love and affection from this association and return home with
it. This will help you.
The gop…s first blamed Vidh€ta, the creator. Then they blamed that
creator in the form of Akr™ra. Now they are blaming KŠa. They
say, “Oh, there is no blame to Vidh€ta, or Akr™ra, or anyone else. It is
simply that KŠa is always nava sa‰ga priya. He always wants newer
and newer association. He is never satisfied with old association. Like
a bumblebee He goes to any very beautiful lotus, and, after taking
its sweetness, again goes to another, to another and to still another.
Sometimes that bee becomes maddened and even goes to bad-smelling
flowers. Although he cannot even see any madhu, honey, in them, he
goes there because they are new. KŠa is like this. And He is blackish
also, just like that bee. He is never satisfied with old lovers, so He
now wants to taste some new ones. This is why He is leaving. This is
His motive for leaving us and going to Mathur€. And He will be very
happy. Now He is with us, but we are only village girls, and we are
not so beautiful. We cannot attract anyone. The girls from Mathur€ can
pose very beautifully, with their veils like this. They can speak many
sweet words, and they can very attractively exhibit their shyness. But
we are not like that. We cannot play like them. They are very expert
because they live in towns. They can put on make-up so beautifully
and decorate their faces with lipstick and so many cosmetics. But we
don’t know all these arts. And there are not only one, two, three or
four, but lakhs and lakhs of them. KŠa will be so attached to them. He
will give His love to this one, to that one, to that one and also to that
one. He will be fully engaged and He will never return. We know.”
The gop…s began to bitterly lament. “We know the habit of KŠa.
When this night is over He will go, and we fear He will never return.
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
76
For the Mathur€vas…s, on the other hand, a very good morning will
follow this night. All the ladies, and all the Y€davas, Vnis, and
Bhojas will be very happy, because they will see the beautiful face of
KŠa and say, ‘Good morning, good morning.’ All of them will have
the chance to see the essence of beauty of the entire world, because
they will see KŠa. KŠa will talk with them and become attached to
them. But for us this night is like k€la-yama, death. Tomorrow morning
we will not see KŠa. How dangerous. We will all die. All the birds
and peacocks, and all the animals will die. And what will become of
the cows? They will not graze. They will only look in the direction in
which KŠa may come. They will also die. Then what will become
of this Vnd€vana? It will be a barren land only. So Akr™ra is very
cruel. In Mathur€ there will be great mahotsava, festivity, daily. And in
Vnd€vana—nothing. It will be barren land.
“Now we are wondering; we are astonished. There are so many
elder persons here, like Upananda, all the brothers of Nanda B€b€, and
others. They seemed to be very intelligent, but now we are thinking
that they are not intelligent at all. Why are they not stopping Nanda
B€b€ from taking KŠa and Baladeva to Mathur€? Why don’t they
send Akr™ra back alone? KŠa should not be sent, but they are not
saying anything. They are accepting this proposal of Nanda B€b€
and Akr™ra. Then what should we do? We shall have to give up our
usual shy behavior. We ourselves will go and tell Nanda B€b€ and
Yaod€maiy€, ‘You are so cruel. Don’t send KŠa with this cruel
Akr™ra. KŠa will never return; we know.’ We will try. Let us go and
tell Yaod€maiy€ and the others.”
In the meantime the morning came, and Akr™ra performed his
sandhya (morning g€yatr…). He then brought his chariot and, taking
KŠa and Baladeva, began to step up on it. The gop…s at once came
and checked the chariot. Some of them fell down, and fainted. Seeing
the scene from very far away ®r…mat… R€dhik€ became senseless,
unconscious. Those other gop…s who remained conscious came and,
lamenting, took the reins of the horses. Some fell down, rolling on the
ground in front of the chariot; and some wept. Still, Akr™ra was so
cruel that he wanted to take KŠa, by any means, to Mathur€.
By His eyes, KŠa made a promise to all the gop…s who were
conscious. “I will come back very soon. I’m going now, and I will kill
Kaˆsa today or tomorrow. Then I must return.” He promised through
His dhautyukaih, messenger—His eyes. And He also said to them, “Give
this message to all the gop…s who are unconscious, especially to R€dh€,
that the day after tomorrow I shall certainly return.”
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
77
Akr™ra quickly slapped the horses with a stick in such a way that
they galloped off crookedly so that they could not be followed. Most
of the gop…s fainted. Those who did not faint watched the dust of the
chariot, and some of that raised dust fell upon them. The gop…s never
returned to Nandag€on, but remained instead in the forest. When
Uddhava came sometime later he met them, and it was a very pathetic
scene.
All the gop…s were simply thinking, “We should die; but we should
not die. Why not? Because KŠa may return. He has promised that
‘I will return’ so it is certain that He must come. We have faith in His
words; so He will come. And when He comes, if we have died, He will
see this and He will also die. So we must not die. We should tolerate
any kind of separation, any kind of fire. Even though we are burning
in a fire, a fire of separation, still we will have to keep our lives—only
for KŠa, only for KŠa—so that He will come and see us.”
Waiting for KŠa
The gop…s therefore waited one day, two days, three days, four days,
one year, two years, three years, four years, five, ten, fifteen, fifty; but
KŠa never returned. Why? Sometimes He may come in the shape of
a bumblebee, sometimes in a dream, sometimes in any manifestation—
He comes and sees the gop…s. And they think, “Oh, we are seeing KŠa
in a dream. Actually He has not come.” Sometimes they become so
deeply in love that they never think KŠa has gone to Mathur€. Rather
they consider, “KŠa is here and He has gone cow-grazing. In the
evening Yaod€ takes His €rati plate and gets everything ready for
His and Baladeva’s arrival.” But she may stand there the whole night
and KŠa never returns. Now there is no cooking at all and now no
birds sing. You can’t imagine the condition of Vraja. Now I will tell a
worldly story.
When I was in Italy I went with two others to walk on the beach
of the ocean. After the walk we returned to our car. A very beautiful
old dog came there. His eyes were full of mud, and there were some
signs that he had been weeping. At once he came over and smelled
us, and looked at us very pathetically. Then, when another car came
and stopped, he went there, and again he was looking sad. I told the
two devotees, “It seems that this dog formerly belonged to a good
person.” He was an Alsatian dog, a very good dog. I asked them, “Why
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
78
is he waiting for each car that is coming?” They replied that this dog
belonged to a rich person, and for several years he was with him. His
master kept him in his car when going everywhere. He bathed him
and always had so much love and affection for his dog. In this way, so
many years passed and the dog was so happy by always serving his
master. After some time he began to get old, and then one day he came
to that beach, saw a bitch, a she-dog, got out from the car and went
with that she-dog. His master thought, “I will have to take a new dog.
So what will I do with this old dog?” He therefore left him, quickly
started his motor car, went to his house and never cared for that dog
again. He neglected him forever. After some time that dog returned
and looked for his master. “Where is my master? Where is my master?”
Searching every car here and there, not eating anything, he was always
looking for his master. One year, two years passed. His master never
returned, but he always continued looking. There is no one to wash
the mud or wipe away his tears, and no one to give him anything to
eat. He is always weeping for his master, thinking, “Oh, my master
must come.” And that is why he is living—in hope that, “Today, or
one day, my master will come.” He is simply waiting; waiting.
This dog’s master may be cruel, but KŠa will not be cruel. The
dog is remembering his master, thinking, “He will come. He is just
now coming. Oh, perhaps he’s coming.” He goes up to anyone and
again sees, “Oh, this is not my master,” and then he begins to weep and
becomes sad. Then he sits and waits with hope. If a dog can do this,
why can we not do this? This example is like a shadow in comparison
to the gop…s. Why are the gop…s lamenting? This dog may remember,
“One day my master took me in his lap and washed me with his own
hands. He gave me sweet things to eat. That which he was going to
eat, he gave to me instead. And sometimes he used to take me in his
bed.” Remembering this, the dog weeps. A devotee can be like this,
always remembering the pastimes of KŠa. The gop…s remember,
“How KŠa was dancing with us, how He used to put His betel nuts
in our mouths, how He loved us, how He was sometimes dancing and
singing with us. He would boast, ‘Oh, I can sing in the fifth note,’ but
we gop…s sang in the seventh note, and He praised us, ‘O sadhu, sadhu,
sadhu. Very good, well done.’ But now who will praise us?” In this
way they were simply remembering and weeping.
This is like a˜a-k€l…ya-l…l€. Devotees can remember all these things,
and thus their minds will not go here and there. KŠa tells the gop…s,
“You should remember Me.” But the gop…s sadly look towards KŠa,
and reply, “Oh, we want to forget You, but we cannot forget You. All
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
79
remembrance of You comes, like a chain, one pastime after another,
and we want to forget You. If You can forget us, why can we not forget
You? But this is our situation, that we cannot forget You.”
The gop…s’ lamentation is something like this dog, but not the same.
What I told about the dog’s tale is only perhaps a shadow of a shadow
of a shadow. The gop…s are thinking like this, and they are only keeping
their lives because KŠa has told them that He will come. This is their
only €s€, hope. Without this hope, they would die. But KŠa would
also die in their separation, so somehow they are keeping their life.
They are burning in a separation fire, but yet they don’t want to die.
KŠa’s Mood in Mathur€
And what about KŠa? Is He happy there in Mathur€? No, He is not
happy there. Somehow Lalit€ can pacify ®r…mat… R€dhik€ by saying,
“Don’t weep, KŠa will surely come.” But there is no one to pacify
KŠa by telling Him that the gop…s will come. There is no friend like this
in all of Mathur€. So KŠa is alone, intensely burning in a separation
fire; but there is no one to save Him. Here in Vnd€vana, Yogam€y€
P™rŠim€, Vnd€, Lalit€, Vi€kh€, and all others can share R€dhik€’s
separation mood among each other. But in Mathur€ there is absolutely
no one. That is why KŠa wanted to send someone to school. Why
school? So that person could become qualified to console Him in His
lamentation. For this reason. He sent Uddhava to the school of the
gop…s in Vnd€vana.
KŠa and Baladeva were sons of Yaod€ and RohiŠ…. Although
They came to Mathur€ they could not forget this. After Kaˆsa was
killed Nanda B€b€ was waiting outside of the town and thinking, “Why
are KŠa and Baladeva not coming? Kaˆsa has been killed. Perhaps
it is the conspiracy of the Y€davas. Perhaps they are purposely not
allowing KŠa and Baladeva to come to me.” For two days he did not
eat anything; he was fasting, waiting for KŠa and feeling so much
separation. KŠa and Baladeva came after sunset and sat on the left
and right side of Nanda B€b€. Nanda B€b€ was weeping so much.
KŠa and Baladeva asked, “Father is weeping. Why?”
Nanda B€b€ said, “You have come to Mathur€ and You have
forgotten me. Perhaps You now have a new father and mother.”
They also began to weep, “No, father, only you are Our father.
But all of the Y€davas, like Akr™ra, Uddhava, Ugrasena, Devak… and
Vasudeva are telling us, ‘You are son of Devak… and Vasudeva.’ They
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
80
don’t want Us to come to you. They fear that if We come to you, you
will take Us to Vnd€vana and We will never return to Devak… and
Vasudeva. They fear this and that is why they are not allowing Us to
come.”
Nanda B€b€ asked, “Do You think that You are son of Vasudeva
and Devak…?”
“Oh,” KŠa replied, “I can never think like that. Not even in a
dream.”
Baladeva Prabhu said, “I can never even dream like this. You are
My father, Yaod€ is My mother. RohiŠ… is also My mother and they
are in Vnd€vana. I know some say that, ‘You are sons of Devak… and
Vasudeva. It may be, but they have forgotten Me since My childhood.
They never gave Me a drop of milk, nor have they shown Me any
love and affection, and I was separated from them. But you and
Yaod€maiy€ have nourished Me and given Me milk. Therefore you
are My father and mother and My everything. I cannot think that he
is My father. So I must come with you and KŠa to Vnd€vana.”
Nanda B€b€ said, “Now, what shall we do? You are both so
intelligent. I think that I must go to Vnd€vana and You, KŠa, should
come with me. Baladeva Prabhu may remain here. Why? Because the
six sons of Devak… have been killed by Kaˆsa and so Devak… has only
one son, Baladeva.3 So if You both come they may die. I think it would
be better that KŠa alone comes with me.”
Baladeva Prabhu told him, “I cannot live alone; I will die. Don’t
separate KŠa from Me. I will come with Him; without Him I cannot
live a moment.”
Then KŠa said, “Father, listen to Me. It will be better if for two
or three days I remain here with Baladeva. After two or three days
everyone will be pacified and then I will return.”
Although Nanda B€b€ became upset to hear this, there was no
other way. He thought, “If I take KŠa with me, then Baladeva will
come. If Baladeva comes they will all die. Then I will be like a butcher.
Everyone will say, ‘Nanda B€b€ is very cruel.’ So what to do?” He fell
into this dilemma.
KŠa said, “Oh, don’t weep. Don’t worry. I will come back very
soon—as soon as they are all pacified. So you should go.” He then
took many golden ornaments and silken garments and tied them in
the chadar of Nanda B€b€.
3 This is because Baladeva is the son of RohiŠ…, Devak…’s co-wife. RohiŠ… used
to sometimes come from Vnd€vana to visit Vasudeva in Mathur€.
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana
81
Nanda B€b€ thought, “If I will take all this, then the mother of KŠa
will say, ‘Oh! You have sold KŠa for these garments and ornaments,
and you have come empty-handed.’ How will I be able to show my
face in Vraja?” On the other hand he could not refuse, saying, “I cannot
take it,” because KŠa Himself was giving those gifts.
Somehow, in the evening, Nanda B€b€ returned. But what became
of Yaod€? When she saw that KŠa had not come, she became blind.
(This was not immediate. Later on she became blind.) She became
extremely angry and said, “You have sold my son and have brought
these ornaments and garments; and you think that by this we will be
happy?” Then she lay down on the bed and did not rise from it. She
simply remained weeping. There was now such a pathetic mood in
Vnd€vana.
One hot summer day, like these days in India in the month of Jesta,
during midday, Yaod€ decided to take some babyhood garments of
KŠa, His little flute, a few of His marble calves and some other toys.
She placed them in a cloth and left her house. One gop… came to her
and asked, “Mother Yaod€, where you are going?”
Yasoda was like a dumb person; she was not in any condition to
answer. But still she said, “I’m going to my child.”
“Where is your child?”
“I have heard that He’s in Mathur€; so I must go. I will not tell that
KŠa is my son. I will go to Devak…ran…, and I will tell her, ‘I want to be
your das…, your maidservant. I will clean your vessels and do everything
like a das…, and I will not take anything in return. If for only one day I
can see the face of your child I will be satisfied.” Speaking like this she
fell on the ground and totally fainted. In this way Yaod€ was daily
feeling so much separation that you cannot imagine.
And what became of KŠa? All the Y€duvama, Akr™ra and all
the others, had a meeting and decided, “We must change the mind
of KŠa. How? We should perform His sacred-thread ceremony and
we should convince Him that, ‘Devak… and Vasudeva are Your father,
and mother, and You are a Y€dava.’ He should be sent to gurukula to
study, and after some time He will forget. He’s like a baby of ten years
or twelve years, so He can forget.” They therefore made a clique, a
conspiracy.
The sacred-thread ceremony was then performed for KŠa and
Baladeva. Their heads were shaved. Brahmac€r… garments were given
to Them as well as g€y€tr…-mantra, sacred-thread and wooden sandals.
They looked like very beautiful and charming brahmac€r…s. If KŠa and
Baladeva are brahmac€r…s, how beautiful They must be. Their Gurudeva
Secret Truths of the Bh€gavatam
82
gave them begging bowls and ordered, “You should now go to at
least five or ten houses and beg some bika for me. You should say, ‘O
mother give Me some donation. O mother, give Me. O father, give Me,
like this.’ Garg€c€rya made His cadar like a jhuli, begging cloth. Those
brahmac€r…s took the jhulis and daŠa, as nowadays you new initiates
take a daŠa. They were given very beautiful daŠas. KŠa was given
a crooked daŠa and Baladeva Prabhu a very thick and straight one.
Now Their Gurudeva said, “You must first go to Your mother and
father and beg from them, and then go to others.”
KŠa closed His eyes and thought, “Oh, My Gurudeva has told
Me to go to My mother. But where is My mother? There is no mother
here. My mother is where? She is in Vnd€vana, in Nandag€on.” He
remembered that His mother had promised, “O KŠa and Baladeva,
when You will be given the sacred-thread of a brahmac€r… along with
mantras, then I will fill Your jhuli with diamonds, gold and so many
other jewels.” KŠa was remembering this and called out, “Where is
My mother? Where is she?” He began to shout, “O mother! O mother!”
He was standing in front the Mathur€vas…s. Devak… and Vasudeva
especially were ready to give alms, but KŠa and Baladeva did not say
‘mother’ and ‘father’ to them. Instead They remembered Yaod€maiy€
and cried out, “Mother! Mother! Mother!” Both of them, especially
KŠa were crying, and rolling on the earth. This was the condition of
KŠa. He was feeling so much separation but there was no alternative
because He had to perform so many pastimes in Mathur€ and Dv€rak€.
Thus at this time, and from this time onward, it was a pathetic scene
both in Mathur€ and in Vnd€vana.
Try to Realize It
Tomorrow we will discuss this again. Try to realize it. You can
remember and chant Hare KŠa Hare KŠa KŠa KŠa Hare Hare /
Hare R€ma Hare R€ma R€ma R€ma Hare Hare with tears, thinking, “Oh,
what is the state of KŠa and Yaod€maiy€? Yaod€maiy€ is always
thinking, “O, my dear child KŠa, KŠa, KŠa.” In this way you
should also try to lament and feel separation and chant, ‘Hare KŠa.’
Remember Caitanya Mah€prabhu and pray, “O, be merciful to me. O
Pañca-tattva, be merciful to me. O Nity€nanda Prabhu! Be merciful so
that we can realize these pastimes, so that we can chant, and so that we
can forget all the problems of this world. “Where is the world? Who
am I?” Try to forget all this. Then KŠa will come and wipe away your
KŠa Leaves Vnd€vana







Om Tat Sat

(Continued...)

(My humble salutations to  the lotus feet of  Swami jis great Devotees , Philosophic Scholars, Purebhakti dot com       for the collection

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